I have found a place to hang my hat in an international students residence in a suburb of Paris called Savigny sur Orge. So much of what surrounds me is less than ideal. Internet is very touch and go, my room is amazing, my roommate Jan from Switzerland is lovely and the people here are very nice.

The Sweeds want to take another trip to IKEA, and since I haven’t bought a metro/train pass, I’ve opted to skip it and try and write to you over the dodgy internet connection.

To sum up the house hunt and the Etampes situation- after days of trying to navigate the jungle of beurocracy and general Frenchness of Etampes, we all decided it made more sense to seek temporary accommodation elsewhere and wait until school started. Gawain and Linus from Sweden, who I have nicknamed “Mon Sweedy and Le Dick” arrived at the 3 ducks hostel on Wednesday. Gawain is at the school for only Le Jeu and had heard of a place that was for international students. He didn’t really care where he ended up since he was only here for a month but he really didn’t see the point in trying to get a place in Etampes. Neither did I after I went there and realized how hopeless it would be to get anywhere without being able to speak French. He hooked us up with the place we’re in now and luckily we all got rooms. Decent prices, simple, halfway between Etampes and Paris, saving us all money on a Metro Pass and Bartek the building manager has said he can help us get Bank Accounts here.

After all was said and done, I have done very little besides sleep for the past 2 days. We got settled in here on Friday and I haven’t left this little town since. It has much more going on than Etampes, but, still appears to not have much to do if you’re English. The Tobacco Shop is also the coffee shop and the bar, and yesterday I went into a bookstore and bought more postcards for my postcard project and a little journal to properly document my lesions with Philippe.

I have never let my armpit hair grow so long. I started to shave it before I even knew it could get this long. For 5 days I was washing my hair with Dr. Bromners soap and have been unable to maintain other hair removal needs because when I shop in the stores, I can’t read the labels. Brands are not exactly the same and all my friends are boys so I can’t ask them for help in reading French so I can at least appear less like ‘one of the boys’. I will begin my clown education with a self consciousness on my face.

Since I turned 23, I haven’t felt the same about the way I look. Since I cut all my hair off in August, I’ve felt it takes more effort to be satisfied with my appearance than before.

I have had odd dreams since arriving here at the res in Savigny sur Orge. I find myself humming tunes written by my ex boyfriend and I feel that- virtigo maybe of realizing that the past really is becoming the past. The sensation of being on a diving board and instead of diving, the surface beneath you starts to disappear and for a second you’re floating before gravity starts to pull you into a pool of undiscovered life.

I am finally listening to all the CBC podcasts I downloaded before I left.

I worry that at 23 I am starting to run out of time to experiment with myself. I worry that at my age, perhaps I should be less wacky and more feminine and desirable.

And then I realize what I’m saying and I get over it.

All I can do is live the dream, and love the dream I’m living. I love everyone I meet, and I try to help them live the dream too.

Ouvrez La Porte- Open the door. Tomorrow is my first day of class.

What a true thrill it is to be sharing the most exciting news with you from France.

I am starting at Ecole Phillippe Gaulier next Monday and arrived in Paris early Monday morning. I had no place to stay, just an address for a hostel someone else from the school who I’d had a brief facebook communication with said he was staying at.

I greet you know from the courtyard of Three Ducks hostel, Paris. http://www.3ducks.fr/

Unfortunately, the first two days of my trip are already a blur. I arrived at the hostel and discovered Jan was not around and- I could not check in and sleep until 4:00pm. It was just before 9:30 in the morning when I arrived. After a couple of cat naps on a couch in the courtyard, I more or less had the energy to go out and make may way around the block- like four times.

My favourite french word- Boulangerie. Baguette and croissant in Paris is as sensual and exquisite as a good long spoon.

When sitting next door to the Mobile Phone shop eating gelato, (the phone shop was closed in the middle of the day for no reason, but I was not able to make a local call without a phone… long story) I saw a woman screaming and fighting with a man in cover alls erasing graffiti off the wall next to her salon. As they fought, a french woman diciplined her child and a lesbian couple opened their window and peered out at the woman a la Beauty and the Beast.

“Bonjour, Bonjour!

There goes the baker with his try like allways

The same old bread and rolls to sell. There must be more than this provincial life!”

French men are what you might imagine, they are suave, they ride scooters. They don’t think much of a grubby, unwashed Canadian who’s french is far, far worse than she thought.

Eventually, I ended meeting up with Jan. A physical theatre performer from Switzerland, eager to find a place to live and studying at Philippe Gaulier just for the first term.

When I first arrived at the hostel,  extremely shy. People were just waking up and getting started with their days, planning on things to see, complaining about the challenges of finding an apartment in Paris and describing the events of the night before. I didn’t quite get how crazy the hostel thing is. It really is a here today, gone tomorrow type of place. People breeze through, with a huge variety of expectations and so many of us are in transition from one thing to another. After finally meeting Jan, I felt completely different about meeting everyone and turned on my usual friend making machine.

Jan and I decided to join most of the other Hostel Dwellers on a jaunt to the park outside the Eiffel Tower for wine and some food. I bought a truly beautiful little bottle (the size of 2.5 glasses) for 3 euros and went with Jackie, Kaitlyn and Heather (three students studying in Italy from California)  and Joey (an english teacher from Berut/Arizona). I quickly learned there was another guy here from Montreal who had come to study at Gaulier, but we did not cross paths until the wee hours of the morning.

At the park, we saw a man and Woman from Korea getting their wedding photos taken by the Eiffel Tower.

I learned that Heather loves studying art, and that Kaitlin doesn’t think she should automatically vote again for Barak Obama.

I stood in line with Jackie for close to half an hour at a MacDonalds so we could all use the bathroom. Jan waited outside and heald our wine for us.

When I got in, I sat at the bar and got to know 4 amazing beautiful Men.

1. Niel, Scottish American raised in Chicago, bartender at the three ducks, drummer, living in france for 5 years

2Sharif- a soldier in the Indian Army

3. A beautiful boy from Afghanistan who is studying in Germany.

4. George. George is the Montreal-er who is going to school with me and Jan. he speaks perfect french and perfect Amy. He’s busted his ass to get his documents in order and has had the same shit luck as I have as far as getting visas and sorting things out. He got even more of a run around from the French consolate than I did.

At 5:30 in the Morning, Me, Neil, the Soldier and the sweet afgani Man packed it in.

At 9:30 am, I woke up. George and I were booked in the same room which I didn’t know until I woke up. I begged him to come with me and Jan to spend the day in Etamps, the town where the school is located to apartment hunt and get our barings.

Let me say something. Etamps is a shitthole.

Landlords in France won’t rent to “students without proof of an income. bank statements are not proof of income.”

We are seriously considering living in a tent trailer on a campground and starting a clown commune.

More on that later.

Today, we will be studying something very special.

Everybody, look down at your legs. Please hold your jokes.

Just look down at your legs. If you’re sitting in a chair, stand up and just look down at them.

Good. Now, bend your right knee. Excellent. Now, bend your left knee,

Terrific. Listen carefully to any sounds or feelings you have when you do this. And now just bob up and down. Feel the range of motion in your body. Now lock them.

Now look at them again.

Do you think your knees are ugly? Do they have bruises? Do they look different from where you are standing now then they do when you look at them in the mirror? Do your knees point straight out, right on top of your ankles or do the pronate one way or the other?

The knee is the most delicate, most complex joint in the human body. There are over 10 muscles and ligaments and tendons that make up the joint. It supports the weight of nearly the entire human body.

Unlock them if you haven’t already done so. That is a very bad habbit to be getting into.

Did you know that human beings are born without a conventional knee cap? Babies have a light layer of cartilage there with a fully formed kneecap emerging in girls at the age of about three, in boys approximately age five.

How is this significant?

In our study of the human knee, we will observe a real life subject. Her knees point inwards, and for that she will never succeed as a performer.

Take thorough notes. There will be a test. Amy doesn’t have to write the notes though, because she is learning disabled and will receive a photo copy of today’s lession from the resource centre.

Now take out last night’s homework on “Neurosis, Complexes and Psycho-sematic illnesses” and we will all take it up together as a class.

Amy, where is your homework?

” Who gives a shit if I didn’t write it down. I know all the answers.”

Some students you just know are bad.

Sheesh. A lot of time has gone by since my last post.

To sum up the past 10 months-

I moved out of my place that drove me insane, went to an even more insane place, moved to commercial drive, caught my breath a bit, made some lovely friends, started doing a comedy show with Jamie Taylor from Punch and Judy, did a bunch of shows in between and now it’s summer and…..

I will not be doing any fringes this year.

I am currently in Calgary Alberta attending One Yellow Rabbit’s SUMMER LAB intensive for the next 3 weeks and creating a new show.

I lied, I am doing one fringe- the FRINGETASTIC festival in Nanaimo B.C.

My show is called Weak in the Knees (A show about knees and a groupie complex) and that’s all I am at liberty to say about that right now.

I am already bummed out about not doing more festivals. I am missing my friends terribly but I am very glad I am not pushing myself to do a show that I’m not 100% passionate about.

One Yellow Rabbit’s SUMMER LAB is amazing so far. Find out more here : http://www.oyr.org/index.html

So I will be updating those who are interested as I go through the lab, and may reveal little tid-bits about my next Fringe Adventure.

So long for now,

Amy.

Oh. and P.S. Somewhere between settling down from the Vancouver crazies and getting tons of acting work- I fell in love with a very wonderful man who I am terribly sad to be away from for the next 3 weeks. It feels like a world away from when I made my first blog entry in Toronto this time 2 years ago….

Greetings!

Victoria Fringe day 10

Another Epic night on the fringe. Messy- first time on tour I’ve ever been straight flat broke. Thanks for the help richer fringe friends! It’s been such a great Fringe. I am genuinely sad it’s over. I am not looking forward to going back to reality. Apparently I am repeating myself alot. I wonder what that means in terms of my brain health.

I am so lucky I get to enjoy my life this way. I am living the dream. Fringe is like high school for people who weren’t cool in high school and you get to be popular the second time around. Everybody is weird. Everybody gets drunk and some people have sex. O00o0 those popular kids having all the fun.

Billets in Victoria are awesome. Everybody has taken at least one night off from fringe to hangout with their billet. Rob Gee’s billet drove me around the other night in a cube Van. My cast member Milton had a super rad Billet too- she let us use her place as our green room for getting ready and stuff before the shows. She had a sleepover party for the cast- I didn’t go I was to busy being popular.

Texts on the fringe are bizarre and awesome too. “What’s the password for Gambits and Gonadz? Got any smoke? See ya tongiht xo”

” Be in circulation latter poppet”

“You too treasure”

“Be there in 10, who’s on?”

“Hairpiece”

“Meanwhile Back in the uterus”

“Jem Rolls”

“I have no idea where that venue is”

“I’ll be the one painted as a leprechaun”  and my all time favourite “Dunkly walking home. Wher ar u? Fucxknot sure where to go now…”

So many moments are forgotten by fault of me killing so many braincells all the time, but the feeling -paired with the inevitable hangover- is never forgotten. It’s easier to get up and see a fringe show half cut than it is to go pee in the morning.

Last night I got drunk and Sad. I am pretty embarrassed about that.

Fringe Baby. TJ Dawe first started writing plays about shitty Jo-Jobs.

Just Sayin’

Lester-OUT!

Hello Friends,

Greetings from Solstice Cafe in Market Square, in Victoria BC

Victoria Fringe- Day 8

Last night I went to see TJ Dawe’s new show Lucky Nine and I cried like a baby the entire time. I have discovered my Northern Star of the fringe. Whenever I get lost – I remember how inspiring this experience is.

Emmelia and Jamie are here with me shootin’ the shit and talking about how Emmelia looks like Aunt Hettie from Road to Avonlea.

Quoting Little Brittian. Planning out shows to see on day off. Gradually getting back to the nitty gritty of real life.

Suddenly as the wind blows cold on my shoulders, i reach for my jacket and realize fringe season is coming to an end.

“On the back of a cartoon coster in the blue tv screen light, I drew a map of Canada with fringe cities marked on it twice”

Amy

It’s an excuse for me to go shopping again. I have really enjoyed my days off. They’re fantastic. Today is a day I wish I were at a rainy cottage or something. Ah, well. I’m having the greatest dream.

In this dream- I’m me and I’m figuring some stuff out for myself. I come and I go and I am greeted with hugs and smiles and often laughter follows the meeting.

In my dream I am as mysterious and joyful as Penny Lane dancing barefoot on a hardwood floor with Cat Stevens in the background. In my dream when I feel lonely or sad, I can close my eyes and soar above everything that doesn’t feel like a dream. In my dream I am generous and wise. I am experienced. In my dream I am on vacation from my real life. Trying to turn every day into christmas morning, and every night into my birthday. All the smells in my nose are cigarettes, pot and burning insense and colours have a hue of burning candle. My grandmothers’ rose water wafts past me when I think of who in my life taught me how to love. I think of how much my grandmother loves to say nice things about the people she knows.

In my dream- it looks like nothing could ever hurt me. It looks like love will conquer all. There is one burts bees beeswax kiss on my lips. Only I know who it’s for.

Starbucks Ovens Beep- children cry. I step out into the street with no sense of where to buy a rain jacket.

I hope I catch a glimpse of adventure today.

I could get used to dreaming.

I love being the me I’m being when I’m being Penny Lane.

Victoria fringe 2010 day 5

Greetings from Cabin 12 cafe! Apologies for such a late entry but I am discovering I am less introspective and nerdy on my birthday-

WHICH WAS AWESOME!

On Saturday August 28th I turned Twenty- Two! I had a lovely lunch with a lovely cousin, a lovely cake with my lovely cast, a lovely show with said lovely cast and then had a lovely little drink on my own at a lovely little restaurant. Headed to the fringe club and the theme of the night was “Kids Fringe For Adults”. There was facepaint and crafts and a bouncy castle. Just like a kids birthday party. Great friends of mine celebrated with me and I had great chats with new friends of mine. My birthday gift to myself- freedom. Twenty-Two is going to be the year of freedom. Freedom from the nasty feelings that get ya down. Freedom from the idea that there’s some kind of time bomb about to go off. That time is ticking or that I am in a rush to be older or better or accomplish anything besides being creatively satisfied.

I’m not going to France. Not yet. Next year. Maybe I’ll make 23 “Les annee au France”

Touring with a cast is so insanely different than touring alone. I’ve got a whole new perspective on this process from having shared it with the people I’ve been sharing it with. Never, in my life on the fringe have I had someone drive me back to my billets, back to the bar, and back to their billets in search of a lost wallet. But that’s what cast’s do. They look out for each other.

I thought it would be annoying to have people around me and not being in charge of everything. I thought it might be easier though than having to do everything myself. It turns out it’s not annoying at all.

I’d only be annoyed if I didn’t feel I could just do what I wanted. I realize that an obligation is NEVER placed on you by someone else. We always have the option to say no or do what we would rather do.

I think Women especially have a problem saying “no” or “thanks but I was doing this…” and they just go along with it and end up getting pissed off later or just venting about it.

I’m doing what I feel like and ironically- horror of horrors for a lone wolf like myself-

I’m liking having a group of people to go back to and see shows with. I can’t wait to get back to Vancouver and have some fun with these rad people.

In the show, my clown’s name is Jamie. Jamie, my director has developed a character named Amy. This is very confusing for the cast and our tech Rick. Who by the way bought me the birthday shot that pushed me over the edge on my birthday.

That’s all for now folkes. about to see Breakfast in Vegas.

I love being, the me I’m being when I’m being twenty-two.

Je suis fatigue. Tres fatigue.

Saskatoon Fringe- done.

Returned to Vancouver- late last night.

Slept until- aproximately 2:00pm. Rehearsal for Staging Gender in aproximately 2.5 hours.  There is not enough time to make beautiful project after beautiful project. It doesn’t help matters that I feel completely not at home in my apartment at the moment. I’ve decided I’m going to be moving out.

So, I suppose, I should be summing up the experience I had performing in my own work for the first time, The Unhappy Barista and how it all made me a better artist. Well, I suggest that all of you, friends in blog land, get on your computers, go to you tube search: RENT Seasons of Love and play it while reading the rest of this entry.

Yes. I really am that corny. I’m a child of the 2000s. And I’m still quite young. On the final night of Fringe in Saskatoon I almost asked people to sign my program like some brace-faced high school student on Prom Night. In the blank spots next to show descriptions and passwords scribbled next to them there would be messages like “Nice to meet you! See you Next year!” and “Wow, this festival has gone by so fast. Sorry we didn’t hang out more” or “You’re one of us. Keep it up!” Just. Anything to make it last all year. Anything to make me remember that I love and trust these people. Anything to keep me from getting scared to do it all again.

Every time I go to the fringe, or watch a fringe show or do the fringe- it gives me that thing that I’ve always thought I was never going to have. And the worst thing about THAT is that I forget that in my normal life and I go back to feeling lonesome and misunderstood. Everytime I go on the fringe, I am inspired to revamp my life.

My first fringe was in 2007. I was living in Toronto and I was cast in a play called The Devils Albatross. I thought the Fringe was the greatest thing ever. I still didn’t want to stay in Toronto. Before I did that show, after dropping out of Ryerson University’s Acting Program I didn’t know if I could be an actor after all. I was lead by the theatre school system to believe that being an actor meant being prepared to have your soul crushed, to like it and to be grateful for it because if you’re not willing to suffer than there’s a hundred other people exactly like you who will and there’s no time for life in the theatre.

The fringe was so not like that. I met people and saw shows that came from- a person. Anyone. Any person with wahtever it was they wanted to contribute and there they were; up on a stage and people were watching them! People wanted to see them. They didn’t look miserable. They looked satisfied and free. I was hungrier than I’d ever been. I wanted to make my own work. I didn’t want to give up anymore.

The rest of 2007 is a blurr. I moved back to Ottawa, gained 15 pounds and sulked till new years. New years came and went I got a job at a pastry shop and Kate Smith asked me to collaborate with her on a show for the following years fringe. Things were looking up.

Fringe 2008 I became a groupie. I worked for Starbucks, ran to the festival as soon as I could after work, traded shifts with other staff to avoid working nights so I could see as many shows as I possibly could. I hung out with Becky Powell in the beer tent. I flirted and drank and laughed with everyone. I saw pieces of work that changed my life:

Totem Figures

Boat Load

How I to Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Mall

Circumfrance

The Girl In the Picture Tries to Hang Up The Phone

She Rules With Iron Sticks

and so many others…. I was going to do a tour the next year. I just had to. I met Cody Campanale. Little White Lies would be the show to tour. I just wanted to do a tour. I just wanted to join the Circus. I had no idea what to expect but I just knew it was was I had to do next.

2009- Kate and I wrote and performed in We Never Clothed. Two days later…

Little White Lies opened. I moved out of my room in Ottawa and hit the road. I went to Toronto to rehearse and see shows. Tour kicked off in Winnipeg-

Saskatoon it all fell apart. Edmonton I picked up and dusted myself off. Vancouver I learned to love myself more.

I went back to Ottawa and nothing was the same to me. Everything was pushing me away. Everything was telling me not to stop just yet. I had to keep learning about myself.

I moved to Vancouver.  I had shit luck with the lottery and was prepared to give Fringe 2010 a miss. In April 2010  I got a phone call.  I had been bumped up on the waiting list in Saskatoon and they wanted to know if I was going to use the spot.

I said yes- before I knew what the hell I was going to do. I wrote a script.

Saskatoon Fringe 2010- The Unhappy Barista underrehearsed and underwritten came to Saskatoon. I enjoyed the process so much more than I expected. When the show was up and running, I knew what it lacked right away. I felt brave for trying it out, but I also felt like I sold myself short. I learned from the other performers, the audience and myself what needs to happen for me next.

Next Fringe Chapter- Victoria 2010

First time touring with a cast. Heading to Victoria with The Tragical Comedy of Professor Punchinello and-

Well I’m planning to move to Paris in October.  I want to keep living and giving myself the biggest challenges possible.

I love being the me I’m being when I’m being me on the fringe.

Love,

Amy J.

Ick- Yesterday was a slow one for me. Got home at Dawn after spoof night.

I spoofed “Much More Munsch” A Robert Munsch puppet show that told the stories “Moira’s Birthday” “Purple Green and Yellow” and some others.

I took my super indelible never come off till your dead or maybe even later colouring markers and pretended to snort a bunch of coke and drew dicks all over myself.

It went over quite well. Alice Nelson spoofed me. It was “the unhappy butcher” and she spilled blood all over herself saying “woe is me, I’ve been cast in a shitty pilot, why can’t I find a job that will give me benefits for part time hours”

It was great.

Last night of the fringe tonight. My last show in about an hour.

Recap from vancouver on monday. I can’t believe I’ll be sleeping in my bed tomorrow night.

I regret not cleaning my room before I left.

Amy